April 3, 2012

Underdeveloped thoughts

The truth is, I'm beginning to believe that none of it ever happened. As fearful as I was at that time, I'm slowly believing that this is all a dream…none of it ever happened, and all this… all this fear, all this paranoia--not real. Laying in bed, seeing it all happen over and over again…sitting there reliving the nightmare, having those events fleeting in an out, I'm wondering whether it's all in my head. But, the truth is, it is real. It did happen. Something that I didn't think would ever happen--happened. How do I deal with this?

And, all I want to do is forget it all…the situation--the everything. Because that's all the past. But, for some reason, I'm letting it hold me back. It's like…I am trying so hard to remember that it happened, because I fear that forgetting it all will lead to repeated mistakes. Does that make any sense?

The shame. The lost of pride. Reevaluating trust. That was real. It is real. Don't let it hold you back. And, don't ever forget.

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