March 29, 2012

Homesick

People tell me that it's unavoidable to get homesick while studying abroad. When I was told this, I scoffed, believing that I could be an exception. True to everyone's words, I got homesick and tried to lie to myself about it. It has been rather difficult to lie to myself, because I know myself a little too well. However, when in a group, it has been a little easier to forget it all. Alone, I feel it. The solitude is slowly killing me. For some reason, I found today the hardest for me. I mean, I've been alone before. But, I've felt the turmoil of emotions--anger, sadness, melancholy..

It's suppose to get easier, right? I was suggested, whenever feeling homesick, I should go outside and do something. Just be distracted. Truthfully, I haven't been doing much. My only distraction is hanging out with the guys. But, they have a life. Another thing is running. However, my foot is hurt. All I want to do is run. Just run, run, run and forget it all.

It sickens me. I'm just overwhelming myself with so much self-pity.

I can't wait until this passes.

March 28, 2012

A sense of accomplishment

It can be frustrating, living in a country where one is unfamiliar with their primary language. Being in South Korea for the past month (it has been 30 days!), life has been relatively easy because many students I interacted with understood English well. Additionally, I always had someone there to help in a time of need. I thought things would continue to stay simple, until today.

Anyway, for some reason, my left foot has been hurting lately. I have no idea why. Maybe it is because I have been walking incorrectly. Maybe it is because I have been walking too much. Maybe I am wearing the wrong shoes. Maybe, it's all in my head! For the past few days, I got Abe to get me the (Korean version of) Icy Hot to spray from the dormitory office. Today, (fed up) and probably irritated of my recent (and more mean) attitude, he and Alvin suggested that I learn how to say and get it myself.

I was pretty pissed off by their suggestion and felt like crying out of frustration so left them. It was the end of the night and all I wanted to do was shower and sleep, yet didn't want to speak in butchered Korean with the people there. I want to be perfect and saying Konglish isn't perfect!

After my shower, and an intensive English review session with Sienna, I decided not to let my pride get the best of me and ask the dorm office for the spray in badly spoken Korean. Long story short, the guy at the dorm office understood me. When he gave it to me, I felt a sense of euphoria. I DID IT! I managed to communicate in Korean! That's step one, everyone!

So, as annoyed I was at Abe and Alvin, I appreciate their nudging. They helped me get out of my comfort zone and feel a sense of accomplishment for doing so. Thanks guys (even though you'll never get the chance to read this blog)!

March 25, 2012

Overthinking

So, this has been on my mind and I feel that it is something necessary to write about.

Today (or yesterday? It's past 12am, so I think it's yesterday), I came back from Seoul and got my roommate a plain pastry. I also got myself a pastry that had custard in the middle. When I gave it to her, she seemed pretty content. Much later, when I came back to my room, I noticed that she gave me back the pastry I gave her and put some fruits there, too. I was thankful, but also confused. She explained that she exchanged her plain pastry for my custard filled pastry because she likes cream more. Then, she looked at me, questioning whether it was okay. I felt pretty indifferent as she told me, but I also didn't really want the plain pastry.

I know I am over thinking this, but is this the norm here? Taking other people's stuff without asking them first? Or, is this some form of bullying? I really didn't care that she took it, but the more I think about it right now, the more I think there is some underlying consequence for not confronting her about it. I really like her and beginning to get scared; what if she takes my stuff without me knowing? I'm pretty trusting, assuming that she doesn't go through my stuff. Ohh goodness, I am getting really paranoid. :/

March 6, 2012

Sock Thief

Today has been a rather uneventful day, as I finally left my room at 12:30pm for lunch with Sienna. (Maybe I shouldn't have dropped my classes.) Then, went for a quick run/walk with Abe and Alvin. It was a terrible idea. It was very windy out there and we couldn't feel anything. Despite feeling regretful, I had fun. It's all about attitude.

Later this evening, we all did laundry. We all purchased a big bag of detergent together. Unfortunately, we didn't buy fabric softener. So, we all borrowed my roommate's delicious smelling fabric softener. Oh, goodness, it still smells amazing. I don't like doing laundry, but it smells really good.

Ending this, I am missing a sock. Why do I always miss a sock? There has to be a place in this world where missing socks go in hiding.

Facing Reality

When I met up with them last week, I asked him how he was doing, remembering that he was a radio-tv-film major. He told me that he graduated from DIMA this past semester and now goes to (don't know the name) university in Seoul to study business. Surprised, I yelped, "What?! You weren't a business major before!! WHY?" He replies, "I faced reality."

Hearing what he said made me really sad. I don't know…I assumed that he'd continue with his passion. It just made me depressed. Despite me not caring about what he said at the moment, his words pondered in my mind all week.

Facing reality isn't really my thing (or, well, anyone else). I don't want to know that everything isn't going to be okay; life really isn't going to be okay? But, it's true. Things are hard. You can't become who you want to be. I don't know what I am saying.

But sometimes all we need to do is give a leap of faith. Faith that things will be okay. I kind of wish he had faith. It makes me realize how intangible things can be…and that scares me.

March 1, 2012

The Submarines

This feels like a long-awaited long post, but I'm not going to write about Korea, as I have so much to say. (I have written a lot of disorganized thoughts about everything so far. So bear with me.) All I have to say is that I got here fine, y'all. Well, you know that already since I am writing here.

So, last Friday, Alice and I went to watch Ra Ra Riot, The Submarines, and Papa perform at the Observatory down in Santa Ana. We first had Mexican food at some random place in Santa Ana. That place looked so shady. There were people loitering in front of the fast food place. Seriously wanted to go eat at the Subway next door after seeing them. But, we stayed. Anyway, I ordered one fish taco and also wanted to get chicken nuggets and fries. But, guess what happened? The cashier told me THEY RAN OUT OF CHICKEN NUGGETS. How dare they deprive me of them? I was ready to try a chicken nugget again after years of deprivation, but NO!!!! So, a fish taco and a lot of fries, and some pineapple drink. Hands down, King Taco is still better.

Heading to the concert, this is embarrassing to say, because I was navigating her phone with GPS, but I got us lost. When we passed by The Observatory, I thought it was a movie theater--with the crummy looking words on the sign. Such a fail. Who gets lost with a GPS?

About the concert. One word--amazing! I don't like gushing, but it was amazing, seeing them all perform live. Especially, Ra Ra Riot (even though I barely listen to them)--they looked so passionate while performing and having fun. Maybe they aren't as friendly as I perceived them, but it looks that way. The worst part about working backstage was seeing all the drama happening and being treated like crap. But, seeing this, it made me want to do stagecraft again. Oh, and The Submarines were (and still are) awesome. I tried to take photos of them, but for some stupid reason, I turned up the ISO in my camera. Seriously, why in the world did I do that? It wasn't even dark. Anyway, I didn't get any decent photos. At the end of the concert, I went to purchase a CD from them. The lead female singer said, "You want to buy this? We're not Ra Ra Riot." Shocked, I said, "Yeah! I wanted to buy a CD from you guys! You guys are awesome!" Oh, I was kind of starstruck, talking to her. I kept saying that they were awesome. And, I asked if she could sign the CD. I am such a weirdo--I forgot to ask the male singer to sign it, too! :\

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV9NLtZBhL4?hl=en"><img src="http://www.gtaero.net/ytmusic/play.png" alt="Play" style="border:0px;" /></a>
You, Me, and Bourgeoisie by The Submarines