To many people, today is a memorable day--70 years ago, USA declared war against Japan. To other people, there was another Virginia Tech shooting today. To me, it is my birthday. In another 53 minutes, I will be "normal". Actually, today was the first time that it felt "normal" on my birthday. Usually, I feel a butterflies in my stomach all day, being nervous about the entire day that I want to barf. It's like, people can see right through me. I don't know why, but I always assume that people can tell that it is my birthday. I mean, when I was younger, this date felt so significant to me, but I am beginning to come into terms that people really don't know (and don't care, but that's another story). So, I felt relieved all day--no one came up to say "Happy Birthday!!!" At the same time, I felt kind of sad because I am so unwilling to allow any one of my friends say those words to me (by not telling anyone) or even celebrate something that everyone finds so significant--the big 21! It makes me think...will I even care about any other year?
Part of the reason why I never really want to acknowledge this special day is because I have been busy for the past two years trying to finish presentations or essays. This year is no different. I was up till 3am this morning. :( It was pretty bad. Maybe, the truth is, I feel ashamed of myself...I'm not worthy of a celebration even though I need it.
Despite how sad this post sounds, I did celebrate this eventful day with my family!! I came home around 8:45pm, after my 7:40pm class ended at 8:00pm and having to go through heavy traffic (which is abnormal at night). We had a nice birthday dinner with delicious cake. Typically, the texture of the cake we get is a little too sweet and heavy, but today's cake was light and moist and yeah, I can't describe it. It was the best cake that I can ever recall.
I just wanted to write a bit about my thoughts on this birthday in particular--how I made such a significant day so insignificant. Maybe I'll change things around next year (because I like the number 2 and it'll be a double dosage of my favorite number next year). Maybe I'll allow people to go crazy and celebrate it. But by then, I believe, it'll be too late because everyone already knows me as the girl who hates birthday!