December 30, 2011

365 Project for 2010

Santa Monica Pier in April 2010.

So, in 2010, I decided to take on the challenge to do the 365 Project which involved taking a photo a day for the entire year. (Shocking, right? I can't commit to anything, yet I was willing to do this? Wahhh?!) Most of the time (as I knew it would happen), the project was a failure... I kept forgetting to taking photos until the night. Also, I cheated a bit, taking two photos a day. Lastly, the photos were not posted in a timely manner.

With this in mind, I will try (really hard) to do the 365 Project again for 2012 (to make me feel comfortable taking photos out of the whim, especially for Korea because I know that I will feel iffy about looking touristy).

Ayeee...I really have to stop buying cameras and start buying clothes because it'll be "Siberian" cold when I get to Korea.

Hope you all enjoyed 2011. I'm anticipating a fantastic 2012. :)

December 29, 2011

Went to Savers today to do some thrifting with the little one. It was quite a challenge because there were a lot of people today. I guess during break, more people come out and shop. The ride there was pretty horrible, too. I complained a lot because of the traffic--guess I don't trust myself or anyone else when there's heavy traffic. Back to thrifting, well, I did not find much, but it was still fun bonding with my little sister. :)

Image Source: Here.

December 24, 2011

Happy Holidays

It is Christmas Eve and I am watching Love Actually again. If you haven't watch it, please do. Most romantic comedies are lame, but this one is different (in my opinion). Oh goodness, it is so sweet! This is one of my favorite romantic comedies. It is still quirky, hilarious, and romantic. Anyway, Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope you all have a fantastic holiday. :)

Image source: here

December 16, 2011

Done with this semester

I AM DONE with fall semester of 2011! You have no idea how happy I am. I went through a turmoil of emotions (I can blame my time of the month for that) this week. Also, being extremely sleep-deprived did not help. I got at least 3 hours of sleep daily!

I had to proctor the last exam for Communications History on Monday. My first final, Principles of Advertising, was on Tuesday. Thursday, I had three finals: Social Psychology, Computer Programming in Psychology, and Writing in Advertising. My very last final was on Friday--Cognitive Psychology. All my finals were really difficult (in my opinion). Maybe it's because I lacked confidence when taking exams--mostly because I felt like I did not study effectively.

Anyway, on Thursday, I had about 3 hours of sleep because I wanted to finish my Cognitive Psych essay before Friday because I had a final that day too. It was pretty stupid, too because the essay is worth 12% of grade, whereas the exam was worth 20%. So, I shouldn't have tried so hard in the essay. Okay, getting to the point, I had a nervous breakdown that very day. When I arrived at school, I felt really sick. My tummy hurt (thought it was just cramps), my head hurt, and I felt like barfing. Susan (one of my bosses) gave me a can of 7up to sooth myself. It helped, but I think I was actually really stressed, nervous, and freaking out.

When I asked Jay (one of the Veteran tutors) to read my incomplete essay, I almost barfed from nervousness. He tried to help me feel better, telling me to take a deep breath. It was okay for awhile, but going back to his office to retrieve my essay and talking about finals and such, I looked so nervous, that Jay told me made me take a deep breath again. This time, it did not help, and I cried. When I noticed my tears I said (stupid things), "Oh gosh, am I? I think I am breaking down. A nervous breakdown? Oh gosh. This is so embarrassing" To make myself stop crying, I began talking to him and questioning him about his life (how he finished undergrad degree at May 2008) and grad school (started grad school at August 2010), and what he did in Iraq (in between 2008-2010). It took awhile, but I felt better. He was so nice about it all. I bet he was freaking out in the inside.

When I walked in my workplace later that afternoon just as he went out for a break, he asked, "How was your first final?" I replied, "Well, I think it okay." Then he asked (the tearjerker question), "How many more do you have?" I said, "Three, no wait..four. Oh no.." As he sympathized, I almost teared up in front of him (and looked flushed and red and had a runny nose). When he noticed me tearing up when he came back, he was like, "Lily. You really need to own the Rocky soundtrack. You need the motivation and confidence to finish up those finals!" As I cracked a smile at him, I heard "We are the champions" in the background of the office and laughed at him. Before leaving the office for my second final, I thanked him for his attempts to cheer me up a lot and he played "We will rock you" as well as giving me a high-five, wishing me luck. Goodness, Jay is so nice. Too bad he's graduating and we'll never work together again.

All in all, this semester's finals were the worst ones I ever had. Usually, I felt confident and aimed for straight A's. This time around, I am not aiming for that cum laude (that's a perk though), but I hope to pass my classes, especially all my psychology classes. I cannot believe I lack confidence in my own major! I am so scared of failing, but it makes me reconsider my major choice.

I may be running away and taking a huge break next semester studying a major that I barely care for, but I think I need this. Everyone seems to know their calling--know what they want to do. I think I want to be a consumer psychologist. But, I think a lot because I hate doing research. Really, what am I going to do? I cannot stand clinical work--I lack bedside manners. Research sounded interesting, but after all those courses I took, I realized how much I SUCK at everything.

I hope that being in South Korea next semester will give me the confidence and motivation to find out what I truly want to do in life. And, I hope I at least passed all my courses. I cannot believe I am writing this, but the one class I don't believe I passed is cognitive psychology--I'd be lucky if I passed cog psych. HOPE HOPE HOPE. So, yes, there is a lot of hope I'm asking for in life.

December 8, 2011

Day of Birth

To many people, today is a memorable day--70 years ago, USA declared war against Japan. To other people, there was another Virginia Tech shooting today. To me, it is my birthday. In another 53 minutes, I will be "normal". Actually, today was the first time that it felt "normal" on my birthday. Usually, I feel a butterflies in my stomach all day, being nervous about the entire day that I want to barf. It's like, people can see right through me. I don't know why, but I always assume that people can tell that it is my birthday. I mean, when I was younger, this date felt so significant to me, but I am beginning to come into terms that people really don't know (and don't care, but that's another story). So, I felt relieved all day--no one came up to say "Happy Birthday!!!" At the same time, I felt kind of sad because I am so unwilling to allow any one of my friends say those words to me (by not telling anyone) or even celebrate something that everyone finds so significant--the big 21! It makes me think...will I even care about any other year?

Part of the reason why I never really want to acknowledge this special day is because I have been busy for the past two years trying to finish presentations or essays. This year is no different. I was up till 3am this morning. :( It was pretty bad. Maybe, the truth is, I feel ashamed of myself...I'm not worthy of a celebration even though I need it.

Despite how sad this post sounds, I did celebrate this eventful day with my family!! I came home around 8:45pm, after my 7:40pm class ended at 8:00pm and having to go through heavy traffic (which is abnormal at night). We had a nice birthday dinner with delicious cake. Typically, the texture of the cake we get is a little too sweet and heavy, but today's cake was light and moist and yeah, I can't describe it. It was the best cake that I can ever recall.

I just wanted to write a bit about my thoughts on this birthday in particular--how I made such a significant day so insignificant. Maybe I'll change things around next year (because I like the number 2 and it'll be a double dosage of my favorite number next year). Maybe I'll allow people to go crazy and celebrate it. But by then, I believe, it'll be too late because everyone already knows me as the girl who hates birthday!

Source: one, two, three

December 7, 2011

Magic wand

Kid photos are so cute. I wish I was a cuter kid--I'd post some of mine.
I have been missing in action for awhile. Sorry. Final projects are coming along. Finals are next week. Everything is coming to an end this semester. I don't have time to feel sad and nostalgic.
On another note, I basically got into the Korea uni that I wanted to get into! Finally received an email from my advisor and the college on Monday, asking me for last minute paperwork and they'll send me a lovely ACCEPTANCE LETTER! So, I'm happy--I'm outta here! Haha. I'm glad that I get the chance to start anew. This is the best birthday present EVER! <3
I feel... euphoric. The chance of getting accepted seems so intangible. It's like magic--like, some force is helping me. On a serious note, my study abroad adviser said that everyone gets accepted to this program because we have a school agreement with them. But, I couldn't help but feel scared because they didn't send our school any information for two months. Just as I was about to give up, I received an email. Just like that child, I found this as a jaw-dropping moment and full of smiles. I'm glad I got the chance to give good news here.

Buy this wand from etsy or make a magic wand for moi? :) I don't know what I will ever do with a felt wand, but it is so darn cute. I can be such a hoarder. You will not believe the mess in my desk right now.

Will update soon (or after finals). Good luck, all! <3