November 24, 2011

Appreciation

It's Thanksgiving! I never really say, "Hey, it's Thanksgiving, and I want to tell you how thankful I am for having you in my life" because it's cheesy, and I don't do cheesy. On the other hand, I just pretend it's just another day, because it is another day. We don't have to dedicate a day telling all our loved ones that we are thankful of them. Though, I think I do need THIS day. I don't express my feelings often so this kind of gives me the push to say, "Hey. I love you. Thanks for being part of my life." Though, the longer I think about this, it sounds so insincere...telling people that I'm thankful of them on Thanksgiving. They're probably thinking, You couldn't think of any other day to say it except on Thanksgiving? What's wrong with you?!

So, thank you (you know who you guys are) all for being part of my lives. This year, I thought it would be easier on everyone if I stopped relying on your support. Though, I feel like it's much tougher than I thought. I started to doubt my friendship with everyone--whether they'd last. Was it worth the effort if it would fall apart? I got scared. More recently, I got reassured that things are okay, no matter what. I am scared, but I have to stop letting fear dominate. So, it's okay. It's okay that our friendships may fall apart (becoming strangers and all), I still want to be part of your lives.

Anyway, I want to thank all the family, friends, and everyone else who have supported me. I have my ups and downs (mostly downs, more recently), but I'm grateful. Happy Thanksgiving! 感恩節快樂!

November 10, 2011

Asking for help

It's hard to ask for help because I have a lot of pride. At the same time, I am use to being asked to help rather than the other way around. So, I tend to choke up when asking for anything because I think people see me as a self-reliant person and do not want to change their perception of me (oh, I'm such a people-pleaser).

So, I asked my communications writing professor (who is also a psychology student working on her PhD) for some advice about writing a psychology analysis and I choked when I asked her! Side note: I think it's an authority problem, too. I feel weird asking professors and other authority figures for help. However, after some thought, I guess I have trouble asking for help in general because I fear rejection. On to the story, my professor was extremely understanding (probably because I had a runny nose and looked like I was crying). She actually gave me 3 of her psychology papers as an example for me to use when writing my paper. After that, she told me to send a copy of my psychology paper. Lastly, she said that she would go over the paper and give me a call on Sunday so that we can go over the paper! That is so sweet, right?

I hate how difficult this is. But, I know, if things in life were this easy, everyone would be able to get their college degrees. So, I guess half the battle of getting a degree are the struggles. No matter how much I want to give up, I want to prove that I CAN get that double major!

Anyway, I think things are turning around. I should stop procrastinating and work on that rewrite if I want a better grade.

November 8, 2011

Red Riding Hood Inspiration

I don't like the colour red, but I think it will be fantastic to be little red riding hood for Halloween next year. Why? Well, it sounds so easy. All I'd need to do is wear a red cape/jacket/hood with a black, white, any-colour dress and viola, I'm her! Hahaha. Anyway, this is a small compilation of cute red riding hood!

November 6, 2011

Can you believe it?


South Korea is only months away! Oh goodness. I remember during Freshman year of high school, I made a replica poster of a South Korea flag. I didn't think that I'd actually go there. It is awesome, but I always thought I'd go to Australia (like what my grade school journals said). But, I don't know...there's always grad school. Anyway, despite my fears and thoughts about this (which I have yet to tell you guys), I am actually excited for this. :)

Crampy problems

I can be such a coward. Today is the first day of my lady times of the month (I know, congratulations, right?)! Typically, my cramps come the next day. In this case, it will come tomorrow. Knowing this, I feel hesitant going to work tomorrow. What if things get as bad as the last one? Cramps, headaches, vision problems, numbness, vomit, dysentery? (OH my, that's was too much information!) Do I really want that to happen? Though, in my prior experience, I do not have consistent horrible effects each month. Typically, it's once every couple months. On the other hand, I do not want to risk going to work, only to feel this agony of dying. So, what should I do? What have I decided? I'm not going to think about it until tomorrow morning. I am quite the role model, right? I should stop putting way too personal information in this blog. :/

psych lit review

I got an F on my cog psych lit review. It pains me to write about this because I'm still in shock and at the same time depressed about this.

After our exam on Friday, my professor told us that only 2 of our classmates had an A. He gave them back their papers and told them to leave. As for the rest of the class (30 students), he gave us a lecture. He was so frustrated by the results of our papers. He wanted to allow us to pass, but at the same time, he didn't want it in his conscience that he give us false hope saying that we were okay writers. So, he was torn into pieces.

During his lecture, however, he just sounded angry. He quoted some papers and gave us an evil eye. He said that he could embarrass so many of us but he didn't want to. The worse part was that he quoted a lot of my paper. I am so sure he quoted my paper. There was this one line that I typed up really last minute before printing the paper at work. I thought to myself that it was a stupid line, but I needed an introduction. So, my consequence for being reckless is being embarrassed. There was another part, where I misinterpreted the hypothesis and there was this other part where I used "since" incorrectly in a sentence. All stupid mistakes.

Worst of all, I completely didn't critique the paper correctly. So, I am beginning to think that I am a terrible writer. HORRIBLE ONE, really. Well, I never really edit what I write.

So, my professor offered the rest of the class to rewrite our entire paper and give it back to him the day we come back (11/18). Though, we have to get someone to peer review our paper. I don't know if I will even improve. I feel really depressed. What if I fail all my psych courses because I can't write papers? I plan to work hard (but I still procrastinate) and will attempt to find someone to edit my paper, but I am really scared. I am doubting myself. It's scary. The power of doubt is pretty strong.

Just yesterday, I had to take the english writing proficiency exam. It's kinda like the CAHSEE, but for college. Students have to pass the EWP to graduate college. Oh, I was so terrified for the exam because just on Friday, my psych paper criticized. So, the entire time of the writing test, I kept thinking about how I will get a "fail" in my results. I hope to pass, but I feel like I didn't provide enough evidence. What if they want me to write a lot more evidence? Ohmygosh, I am not even sure if I used 5 sentences in each paragraph...I think I used 4 sentences. fuckfuckfuck. So, I will get the results in 3 weeks, telling me whether I should cry or laugh in relief. Ahhh, I really want some retail therapy or food therapy. I feel like crap right now.

So, life seems pretty tough. I am determined to change things around. I will survive. I'm not too stupid enough to throw my life away when things get tough. I hope some things will change in the end of the semester, but I can't hope too much--I have to do something! I hope you all are doing well! :)

November 1, 2011

The Road is (still) Filled with (undecided) Possibilities

Source: Pinterest

Choosing a path for the future is very scary. During Principles of Advertising, our guest speaker and our professor both gave us a lecture on our futures. They suggest that we should decide on our paths NOW. It scared me. I like both creative and management areas of advertising. However, I am not strong in creative, so it looks like management is the way to go. Though, I can wait until end of March/early April 2012 to finally decide on courses for the next year.

Another thing I had to focus on is psychology? Do I really want to do this?

I found out that my internship in South Korea doesn't count for my communications internship since I didn't finish the prerequisites--so it counts for a general internship, like a upper division GE course. :/ So, when I get back, I have to find 2 internships--one for comm and one for psych. Also, I am applying to do research (for psych) with some professors. So, it's a lot. It's going to be tough to cram all this into two semesters. It is doable, but so stressful sounding.

With all this in mind, I am pretty sure that I have to finish my undergraduate courses in 5 years. Think that'll be okay? Will you judge me? Remember my hopes and dreams to finish all this in 4 years? It was possible, until I double majored. :/ I'm just hoping that this is all worth it. Probably not worth it all, because I still want to go to grad school. I'm just lagging it by taking adding another undergraduate year.

Everything seems to intangible...