As I mentioned in a post earlier, one of the responsibilities of being a TA is facilitating a study session. This is completely different from my past Teacher Aide experiences. I did much of the important paper work in the counselor's office during high school when I was TA. Additionally, I just took attendance when I was TA for the PE teacher.
The study session, in my opinion, was a disaster. I lack the ability to be a leader. Honestly, despite my fear of public speaking and looking like an authority figure amongst the older adults, I was pretty excited. However, I wasn't prepared for this moment. I let other priorities surpass the fact that I will be doing this. In the end, I prepared for this session last minute. There are no external factors influencing this, since I did know that this will happen.
I tried to do what Beverly did. Well, I originally wanted to do it the same way she did; state the term and ask students to elaborate on the meaning. However, things didn't go the way it was planned.
So, I was expecting a handful of students because Beverly emailed me stating that about 5 people said that they were interested in my session. I was relieved because I couldn't do well with groups more than 5 people because people can't hear me.
When I arrived, there were two people. As the session progressed, about 10 more people came. I was so intimidated because they were older than me (4th years!) and worldlier (whatever that means). Additionally, I realized how unprepared I was. I should've read more into the text before entering the session. I should stop procrastinating. There are so many should-haves.
So, as more people arrived, I got more nervous. The students kept asking me to repeat myself because I was too low. The girl next to me asked for a repeat! I must have been THAT quiet.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I disappointed the students. I was too quiet.
On the other hand, I expected a lot more out of them. I thought that they would know more than they did. I kept asking students "Who is blahblah?" and majority of the time they didn't know. In the end, I pretty much gave them the answers.
Anyway, Grace told me that it sounds like they pretty much taken advantage of me even if they didn't realize that. She is right...I don't know if things will get better. I want to give up on this. Reallyy do.
But, you know me, I will persevere through this... even if I suck. If I can persevere through a run when someone tripped me, I can do this. If I can persevere through rejection of many of the colleges I originally wanted to attend, I can do this.. even if I lack the confidence.
Instead of making another post, I'm going to add on to the session. I feel much better about the session, even though it was horrible. I told Bev about the whole situation and she completely turned around the whole story. She said, "It's not your fault that the session turned out bad. They took advantage of you by making you give them answers and not the other way around. Remember, as a TA, you didn't even have to go over anything. You could just sit there and have students ask you questions. So, what they did was wrong. They should have read the text prior to coming to the session and understood what was being read. What these sessions are for is to let YOU confirm what is confusing to them."
Listening to this motivational speech from the greatest TA in the world, I felt better about myself. Well, I still am traumatized by how the whole thing went..