As I got older, I was desperate to keep all my friends. From elementary school through high school years, I tried so hard to keep my friends--even the ones that moved away. Essentially, I thought quantity was more important than quality.
So, I have changed so much from my ndays. (Well, I am definitely still n and less experienced than most people.) I keep very few friends alongside of me now. Of course my Facebook friends list says otherwise (200 meaningless connections) but I say that Facebook friends will be useful one day for networking, so I'm keeping them.
I have about a handful of high school friends that I still keep in contact with. They're the friends that I honestly believe will last for life. The rest are forgotten until I need something from them. As for college, I cannot say that I have connections with more than a handful of people. I do have friends, but I cannot imagine that they will last after college.
The other day, Christine was feeling nostalgic and wanted to reconnect with past friends. I understood how she felt since I missed the past quite a bit. We did feel carefree and alive back then, but I was feeling content with the way things are.
But yesterday, when I saw someone I knew working at that one big store (that everyone thinks is evil), and we chatted for a bit, I realized that I missed her. Well, I didn't just miss her--I missed the people I interacted with in high school. Some people I hated. But, most people I talked to during that time period, I missed.
Goodness, all I want to do is go and say, HEY, how are you to people I know, but, it is too late now. It's too late to try and reconnect to everyone that I did not even bother and talk to after high school. It is my fault. Well, it is not entirely my fault, because they did not even bother to ask how I am. Though, I should really have tried as hard as I did when I was younger.
It's absurd. Just last year, I tried so hard to keep my friendships with the ones I was still close to. Additionally, I had this hope back then which has slowly dissipated. Just look at this tumblr post I wrote over a year ago. I have changed a lot since then.
Long story short... I should have tried harder.
All Kinds of Time by Fountains of Wayne